"Everything, even my piano became worthless..." — A Dark Night Guest Voice

We often talk about the "dark night" in a theoretical or historical context on this blog, drawing on the wisdom of mystics like John of the Cross. But what does it truly look like in a modern, everyday life? What happens when a young person, seemingly having it all, suddenly finds their world falling apart?

Today, we're honored to share a powerful and deeply personal story from a guest contributor, Elias. His journey from a well-ordered life and certainty to one of profound existential crisis is a poignant reminder that spiritual trials are not confined to ancient texts. His story is a testament to the fact that modern spiritual crises and the wisdom of the mystical tradition are deeply intertwined.

We thank Elias for his courage in sharing his story with us. His name has been changed for his privacy, but his words are raw and real.

My Journey Through the Dark Night of the Soul

By Elias, a guest contributer 

 

Hello everyone,

I'm Elias, 27 years old, and today I want to share a very personal story with you—the story of my dark night of the soul. A while ago, I would have laughed at the term. I had an image of a monk in a cell, self-flagellating for decades. It sounded like something from a long-gone era, completely irrelevant to my modern life. I had my job, my hobbies, my friends—I was successful, happy, and content. Or so I thought.

But then the breakdown began. It started subtly, like a crack in the foundation. First, I lost the joy in things that had always been important to me. My passion for playing the piano, which had been with me since childhood, vanished. Every note felt hollow and meaningless. Then, the line between day and night blurred. I lay awake for hours, my mind racing, but without a clear topic. It was an undefined anxiety, an inner emptiness that wouldn't let go. Eventually, I lost my job. Not because I was bad at it, but because I had lost the energy and drive to do even the bare minimum.

 

Picture by Darius on unsplash

It was as if I fell into a deep hole. I withdrew from my friends, avoiding calls and messages. The world seemed to go on without me. I would just sit for hours, staring into space. I sought help, thinking I had depression. The conversations with a therapist helped me recognize some patterns, but the existential emptiness remained. It wasn't just sadness. It was a fundamental shaking of my being. Everything that had defined me seemed to crumble. My identity, my self-worth, my life path—everything was called into question.

During this time, I came across the writings of John of the Cross. At first, it was just curiosity, then it became a lifeline. I read about the "dark night of the soul," about the purification of the mind and senses. For the first time, I felt that my experience might not just be an illness, but also a deeply spiritual crisis. John of the Cross wrote about letting go of everything that binds us—of external things, but also of our inner ideas, our ego. I realized that my downfall might not have been a mistake, but a necessary process.

It was a terrifying realization. It meant that I couldn't just go back to my old life. I had to face the emptiness that surrounded me. In that time, I also began to delve into readings about modern spiritual crises and depth psychology. I understood that my external world had collapsed because my internal world was also out of balance. All the fears, doubts, and repressed feelings that I had pushed aside for years were now coming to light.

This phase was incredibly painful, but it was also the beginning of my healing. I started to accept that I was in this void. I learned to live with the uncertainty. And slowly, very slowly, something began to change. It was as if a tiny light was flickering in the darkness. It wasn't a return to my old happiness, but something new. A sense of peace that was deeper than the superficial contentment I had known before.

Today, I'm not at the end of this journey. The dark night of the soul isn't a door you simply close. But I know it had a purpose. I see the world with different eyes. I am no longer tied to external successes. I have learned to listen to my inner self. And I am grateful for the humility and depth that this experience has given me.

I want to encourage you: If you find yourself in a similar situation, know that you are not alone. Maybe it's not just a crisis, but also a chance for transformation. Perhaps you, too, are going through your own dark night to find a new, deeper light in the end.