Dark Night of the Soul: Why Retreating from People is Necessary – and How to Do It Mindfully

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The Dark Night of the Soul is an intense spiritual process that often brings people to the edge of their previous reality. Those going through it experience not only profound loneliness and inner turmoil, but also a radical shift in perception, interests, and emotional needs. Suddenly, familiar people, old passions, and even spiritual communities that once felt aligned can seem distant, exhausting, or alien. At the same time, a deep inner call for retreat, solitude, and conscious withdrawal emerges. This retreat is not a sign of illness or social dysfunction; it is a necessary step toward higher awareness and inner clarity.

In this article, we first explore why people need to step back during the Dark Night of the Soul, and then examine how to retreat consciously and healthily, without falling into guilt, shame, or unhealthy isolation. Understanding the reasons behind the withdrawal is essential to practicing it effectively.

Why Distance Is Necessary During the Dark Night

Radical Shift of Interests

One of the most fundamental aspects of the Dark Night is the shift in interests and priorities. As people move from the material to the spiritual realm, old attachments often lose meaning. Activities and passions that once brought joy may suddenly feel empty or irrelevant. Some individuals experience this during an early phase of the Dark Night, without fully understanding why their old interests have vanished.

In later stages—the so-called Second Dark Night, described by John of the Cross—this shift intensifies. Even spiritual communities or individuals with whom one previously resonated may suddenly feel distant or incomprehensible.

This shift is closely connected to the movement away from seeking superficial emotional highs. Those deep in the Dark Night are no longer chasing pleasure, positivity, or happiness in the conventional sense. Instead, they are drawn toward freedom from emotional duality, observing the natural fluctuations of consciousness without attachment. Most people continue to oscillate between highs and lows, joy and sorrow. The Dark Night allows one to witness these waves without identification, which often leads to feelings of isolation and being misunderstood.

Heightened Sensitivity

Another reason for retreat is increased sensitivity. Sounds, smells, crowds, or even minor social interactions can become overwhelming. Misophonia—intense discomfort at certain noises—may appear or intensify, as can heightened awareness of subtle environmental stimuli. Some even experience temporary changes in taste or perception, similar to what older adults might experience, possibly reflecting the symbolic “death of the ego” as the body and mind prepare for a new level of consciousness.

This heightened sensitivity makes everyday social situations more draining. Even someone who was previously comfortable with interaction may suddenly feel exhausted or irritated. Retreat, then, is not a luxury—it is a natural protective mechanism to preserve energy.

Picture by Evgenyi Beloshi on Unsplash

Unentangling from People, Technology, and Societal Expectations

Before the Dark Night, most people are deeply entangled—with family, friends, work, societal norms, and digital devices. While these connections serve practical or social purposes, they can hinder spiritual growth.

Historical mystics such as John of the Cross, Teresa of Ávila, and Meister Eckhart, as well as philosophers and psychologists like Rousseau and Carl Jung, emphasized the importance of withdrawal, silence, and solitude. Retreats and intentional isolation are not acts of avoidance; they are tools for inner clarity, self-discovery, and preparation for higher states of consciousness.

Modern distractions—especially smartphones and social media—amplify the need for conscious detachment. The digital “marketplace” creates continuous stimulation. Practicing retreat today requires disconnecting digitally to allow meditation, calm, and inner focus to take precedence.

Challenges in Retreat: Guilt, Shame, and Setting Boundaries

Many people in the Dark Night struggle with guilt and shame, especially when it comes to saying “no”. From childhood, we often internalize the belief that rejecting others is selfish or unkind. Yet, in the Dark Night, it becomes clear that true compassion and kindness do not mean sacrificing one’s own energy.

Setting boundaries protects your energy. Failing to do so often leads to inner conflict, frustration over wasted time, and resentment toward oneself. A clear, conscious “no” is therefore not an act of egoism but an essential practice for maintaining your spiritual path.

Letting Go of Others’ Expectations

Another key aspect is recognizing that others’ expectations are not your responsibility. Disappointment often arises not from what you do or don’t do, but from projections others place on you. Whether these expectations are real or imagined, they must not become your burden.

Spiritual awakening requires putting self-care first. The biblical command to “love your neighbor as yourself” does not mean self-sacrifice; it means self-love as a foundation for authentic connection. Retreating and prioritizing one’s own well-being is therefore not selfish—it is necessary.

Practical Strategies for Conscious Withdrawal

1. Say “No” Clearly and Mindfully

Set boundaries intentionally. Saying “no” protects your energy, prevents inner conflict, and enables you to remain authentic. Practice saying it calmly, without guilt, as an act of self-care rather than rejection.

2. Unplug from Digital Distractions

Smartphones, social media, and constant connectivity create a modern “marketplace” that drains energy. Conscious retreat means disconnecting digitally to focus on meditation, reflection, and inner calm.

3. Practice Retreat and Alone Time

Isolation is not avoidance; it is a spiritual practice. Retreats offer:

  • Quiet and mental clarity
  • Meditation and reflection
  • Reconnection with inner priorities
  • Preparation for deeper consciousness and spiritual insight

4. Find the Middle Way Between Society and Solitude

Retreat does not require complete isolation. Conscious social engagement—brief, purposeful interactions or anonymous public spaces—allows connection without overstimulation. The middle path balances solitude and necessary human contact.

Conclusion: Retreat as Part of Spiritual Growth

Distance from others during the Dark Night of the Soul is not selfish or pathological. It is a necessary phase of spiritual development, requiring conscious boundary-setting, detachment from distractions, and attention to one’s own well-being. The Dark Night challenges us to:

  • Say “no” without guilt
  • Release others’ expectations
  • Accept heightened sensitivity
  • Engage in retreats, meditation, and deliberate unentanglement

By prioritizing your own energy and self-discovery, you prepare for deeper levels of consciousness, self-realization, and ultimately, the profound freedom that the Dark Night can bring. Retreat is not weakness; it is an essential part of spiritual transformation and personal growth.

Keywords: Dark Night of the Soul, spiritual awakening, retreat, self-care, heightened sensitivity, meditation, unentanglement, spiritual isolation, setting boundaries, guilt and shame, introversion, spiritual development, ego dissolution, solitude, conscious withdrawal

Authored by Rebekka Waldesruh

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